Porn Discussion?

[cruiscin_lan]

I was thinking after scanning several sex-related polls last night about what makes good porn and what makes bad porn. I wonder if there's a way to objectively measure what smut is good and what smut is bad, regardless of whether it's het, slash, femslash. A lot of the conversation in the polls last night had to do with vocabulary. That's a good place to start, I think, because what one person finds acceptable another might find obscene, and there's always the risk of overusing certain words. But I think that's only part of the debate.

There's content, too. For example, some people will completely steer clear of fics that are slash, or het, or certain pairings, and you can't blame them for that, just like some people prefer their smut vanilla and others like it extra-kinky. But these are preferences, and thus subjective.

One way of objectively measuring any fic is by its technical execution - proper use of spelling, grammar, etc. This applies to porn writing, certainly - after all, the sentence "I had to help my uncle, Jack, off a horse" means something completely different without proper comma usage and capitalization.

There's always the "I'll know it when I see it" argument, but that's so amorphous in definition that it's not very helpful. Maybe there isn't a way to judge porn subjectively, and I've wasted my time in this discussion.

No, wait, I haven't completely wasted my time today. In fact, while I was mulling all this over at work, I came up with a smut fic meme, to bide my time before heroes_exchange assignments go out.

I came up with a list of horrible porny titles today at work. Comment with a number (one through ten) and a character/pairing/threesome/whatever and I'll write a paragraph or short excerpt of porn based on the title.

Note: Only Heroes, plzkthnx. Feel free to take and adapt if you please :).

Here is the list:

1. Peanut Butter Jelly Time


2. The Poophole Loophole
   
3. The Thrust of His Lust


4. A Dignified Rodgering


5. Boffing Austerely
   
6. Funky Chicken
   
7. Juice for Jelly
   
8. Give the Dog a Bone


9. Parallel Parking


10. A Visit to the Netherlands

Also, here's my new favorite story.

Comments

Peanut Butter Jelly Time - Elle/Gabriel

[cruiscin-lan.livejournal.com]

With Noah safely tucked away in his room for a nap after lunch, Elle and Gabriel got a little creative while cleaning up. Gabriel smeared globs of grape jelly across Elle's midriff as she reclined across the counter. As it slid down her skin and into her nether regions, he lapped it all up slowly. She shuddered with pleasure as she threw her head back and moaned, nearly falling off the counter as she came.

"Now for you," Elle asked, reaching for the jar of peanut butter. "Creamy or chunky?"

Re: Peanut Butter Jelly Time - Elle/Gabriel

[hushushalibi.livejournal.com]

ROTFLLLLL
OMFG YUS!
You did awesome bb! I love it!!

CREAMY OR CRUNCHY
*falls over*