cruiscin_lan | Porn Discussion?

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Entry tags:

discussion,
meme

Porn Discussion?

I was thinking after scanning several sex-related polls last night about what makes good porn and what makes bad porn. I wonder if there's a way to objectively measure what smut is good and what smut is bad, regardless of whether it's het, slash, femslash. A lot of the conversation in the polls last night had to do with vocabulary. That's a good place to start, I think, because what one person finds acceptable another might find obscene, and there's always the risk of overusing certain words. But I think that's only part of the debate.

There's content, too. For example, some people will completely steer clear of fics that are slash, or het, or certain pairings, and you can't blame them for that, just like some people prefer their smut vanilla and others like it extra-kinky. But these are preferences, and thus subjective.

One way of objectively measuring any fic is by its technical execution - proper use of spelling, grammar, etc. This applies to porn writing, certainly - after all, the sentence "I had to help my uncle, Jack, off a horse" means something completely different without proper comma usage and capitalization.

There's always the "I'll know it when I see it" argument, but that's so amorphous in definition that it's not very helpful. Maybe there isn't a way to judge porn subjectively, and I've wasted my time in this discussion.

No, wait, I haven't completely wasted my time today. In fact, while I was mulling all this over at work, I came up with a smut fic meme, to bide my time before

heroes_exchange assignments go out.

I came up with a list of horrible porny titles today at work. Comment with a number (one through ten) and a character/pairing/threesome/whatever and I'll write a paragraph or short excerpt of porn based on the title.

Note: Only Heroes, plzkthnx. Feel free to take and adapt if you please :).

Here is the list:

~~Peanut Butter Jelly Time~~

The Poophole Loophole
~~The Thrust of His Lust~~

~~A Dignified Rodgering~~

Boffing Austerely
Funky Chicken
Juice for Jelly
~~Give the Dog a Bone~~

~~Parallel Parking~~

~~A Visit to the Netherlands~~

Also, here's my new favorite story.

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Those are hilarious!

I'm going to go #3 with some Gablar/Peter/Elle.

I used to be of the opinion that any smut is good smut, but I've realised how very wrong that was. I reread some of the ones I read when I first started reading, and I wonder what I saw. The one thing that will make me ugh is when every possible word for something will be used. I don't write anything higher than PG13, so I really can't comment on how it is to write, but as a reader reading them all just amuses me. Pick one or two, not every single one.

I forgot about writers using every term or phrase for everything! Nothing throws you out of a story faster than using words like "sausage" or "beefstick" alongside "dick" and "cock."

He had her just where he wanted her, finally. He ran his hands through her long blonde locks as he crushed his lips against hers. Unable to resist any longer, he pressed his throbbing erection into her, thrusting in rhythm with his lust.

"Oh, Peter," she gasped.

He paused, his distinctive eyebrows knitting in concern. "I'm Gabriel," he told her.

"I know," Elle replied. "Peter's behind me."

Heee! Awesome. :D

#8. Mr. Muggles and Turtle.

Okay, okay, I'm kidding.

I want 4. Nathan/Elle. You might need...accessories or something. Whatever. ;)

Edited 2009-01-22 03:38 (UTC)

They were the pinnacle of propriety, even in the bedroom. Impeccably dressed in his three-piece suit, Nathan undid the front of his pants in such a way so as not to wrinkle the fabric. Elle, for her part, knelt on the lush covers of the bed and hiked her designer skirt and slip to her waist, then leaned forward, presenting her buttocks to him while on all fours. Nathan approached her, putting one hand on her waist. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him.

"I'm going to bugger you in the behind now, if you don't mind," he said, gently tugging at her underwear.

"Why yes, please," Elle replied. "I would like that very much."

Man, and that's so how Nathan probably has sex. Just add "Tracy" instead of Elle, LOL.

"Look, Daddy, they're playing!" Noah laughed, grabbing the hem of his mother's skirt as he tried to get her attention.

Gabriel's eyes followed the direction his son was pointing to. There was Mr. Muggles, enthusiastically humping the domed shell of Matt Parkman's turtle. Gabriel gasped as he knelt down and covered the child's eyes. He'd always thought they should have gotten that dog neutered.

You're sick, you know that?

Yeah, but sort of made of win too.

OMFG YES
HAHHAHAHAA

lmao
Those titles are hilarious.
hmmm it's really weird. If I'm reading a story and the author adds porn I'll read it and if it gets to the point where I'm uncomfortable with it or it's just like incredibly awkward/bad I'll skip it.
Simple? easy?
IT JUST MIGHT WORK!!! lol

I try to stick to authors who I know I like, so I won't run into anything that really makes me uncomfortable reading. Skipping works too, but sometimes it gets so bad that I can't turn away!

lol train wreck.... must watch!

1. Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!
Elle/Sylar.
Something about Little Noah wanting some PB and J sandwhiches and then IDK... then Elle and Sylar have fun with it later. ROTFL.

With Noah safely tucked away in his room for a nap after lunch, Elle and Gabriel got a little creative while cleaning up. Gabriel smeared globs of grape jelly across Elle's midriff as she reclined across the counter. As it slid down her skin and into her nether regions, he lapped it all up slowly. She shuddered with pleasure as she threw her head back and moaned, nearly falling off the counter as she came.

"Now for you," Elle asked, reaching for the jar of peanut butter. "Creamy or chunky?"

Edited 2009-01-22 15:18 (UTC)

ROTFLLLLL
OMFG YUS!
You did awesome bb! I love it!!

CREAMY OR CRUNCHY
*falls over*

YES. You ROCK.
Okay:

#9, Elle/Mohinder/HRG.

Oh God I'm going to hell for making you write that XD

It was the worst parallel-parking job Noah had ever seen, and he'd taught two teenagers how to drive. Mohinder jerked the car forwards and back, hitting the bumpers of the cars on either side. He wasn't even checking his mirrors, and the car finally came to a stop at least two feet away from the curb. Confused, Noah decided to see if something was wrong.

As Noah approached the driver-side door, Mohinder started panicking. Flustered, Mohinder started pushing something - someone? - away from his lap, muttering things Noah couldn't hear through the window. Still, Noah came close enough to peer into the driver's seat. Mohinder's pants were open, and Elle's head was in his lap. Both looked at Noah sheepishly for a moment before Mohinder rolled down the window and asked, "Is there anything we can do for you, Noah?"

"That's okay," Noah replied. "I'll just watch."

you are the BEST!

Man, Noah is a creeper always, isn't it?

At least this time he didn't have a gun pointed at them.

um, how about #10, Elle/Sylar/Claire?

and small animal porn probably shouldn't be funny, but it is...

They formed a delightfully villainous menage a trois as they travelled across the globe, with Sylar stealing powers along the way. Somehow they'd ended up in the Netherlands for a time, the land of windmills and wooden shoes, and they were relaxing at the side of the road in the sunshine.

Claire sighed as she gazed over the fields of flowers stretched out before them. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Sylar smiled and nodded, but Elle had something else entirely on her mind. "I'll show you tulips you'll never forget. Get it? Two-lips?"

oh, you're punny. *groan*

Bad!fic is really bad. :P

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