cruiscin_lan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cruiscin_lan) wrote2010-01-23 01:08 am
cruiscin_lan) wrote2010-01-23 01:08 am
FIC: This Way to the Egress
Title: This Way to the Egress
Characters: Sue Sylvester/Howard Bamboo
Word Count: ~1100
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, all proceeds would go to the Howard Bamboo Legal Defense Fund.
Spoilers/Warnings: Vitamin D made them do it. Spoilers up to "Vitamin D," appropriately.
Summary: Sue's interested in the Howard's wares, and we're not talking sheets 'n things.
A/N: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
faded_facade, who won me in the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
help_haiti fandom auction.
It's nearing the end of your half-hour lunch break, and you're wandering the long, dark hallways of McKinley High, searching for the exit. Each time you turn a corner, you find yourself facing a corridor that looks exactly like the one you just left. The doors to every classroom are closed as you go by, but you'd probably be too shy to butt in on some teacher's lesson to ask for directions anyway. You feel a sense of panic start to tighten in your chest, and you wonder if you could even find your way back to the nurse's office if you started to have a heart attack. The zip-loc bag full of extra, opened "vitamins" swings from your sweaty palm, the small blue pills shaking with every step.
"Hold it right there, Dockers," echoes a voice from behind you. You jump in surprise. "Where do you think you're going?"
"I... uh... nowhere," you mumble, turning slowly around. Bearing down on you from the other end of the hall is the revered Sue Sylvester, clad in a threatening black tracksuit and glasses so dark you can see your frightened reflection in the lenses. You tremble where you stand and clutch the bag of pills to your chest as she approaches.
She towers over you for a minute, letting you stew in your own fear until she finally whips off her sunglasses. She stares intently at you and asks "Why do you look so familiar to me?"
"I work at Sheets 'N Things," you tell her, pointing a chubby finger at the name-tag on your apron.
"Of course you do..." she says, leaning in slightly and pausing to read it, "Howard. But I wouldn't have seen you there, because linens are for the weak. I make my bed with fabric woven from poison sumac. It's better for your skin, you know, to get conditioned to toxins." She returns to the topic at hand. "You've meandered through these hallowed hallways before, haven't you?"
You gulp. "One time I brought cake," you mumble.
She narrows her eyes at you, unconvinced. "Right," she says sarcastically.
"It was thumb cake," you add helpfully.
She ignores your statement. Instead she relaxes her posture, placing her hands on her hips as she regards the contents of the bag you're still holding awkwardly against your apron. "Well, whatcha got there now, Howard?"
"I brought vitamins for Mrs. Schuester," you explain. "She's giving them to all the students."
"Vitamins, huh?" she asks. "Mind if I snag a couple?" Without waiting for your reply, she snags the bag from you, empties it into her palm, and pops the blue pills into her mouth. She swallows without even needing a drink, and you're impressed.
Sue Sylvester is probably the closest thing you have to meeting a celebrity, and even though you're terrified of her in person, you still harbor a deep admiration for her. "I watch you on TV every week," you say lamely, shuffling your feet like a child.
"Do you?" she asks.
"Sue's Corner," you say, letting her know that you aren't just stroking her ego. "What you have to say is always so - so compelling." It's the truth - you'd never considered the positive aspects of littering until hearing her point of view on it. In fact, given her views on marriage, you've even considered adopting a pet.
She's flattered; you can tell by her small, sly smile, and the way her eyes start shifting. Or maybe that's just one of the side effects of all the vitamins she took. "Well, Howard," she croons, "would you like to come to my office and watch me... polish my trophies? I might even let you wear my fuzzy mitt."
The way she looks at you when she suggests this makes you forget that your lunch break is almost over. The disciplinary action you'd face at Sheets 'N Things, though, will be nothing compared to the disciplinary action you'd face if you turned down Sue Sylvester. "Oh. Okay."
You follow her blindly into her office, not sure what to expect, but as soon as you're inside the door slams shut behind you. She grabs you by the collar and slams you against the class of the trophy case behind her desk. "Those vitamins you gave me make me feel amazing," she whispers into your ear, the gentleness in her voice in direct conflict with the roughness of her actions. "Amazing," she repeats.
"They're just from Rite-Aid," you tell her, confused. "Right across from the candy bars."
"Shh, no talking," she tells you. Her eyes kind of glaze over and she says "amazing" again in a way that's really starting to creep you out. What exactly is it with those vitamins, anyway? When you were helping to distribute them in the nurses' office, the dark-haired cheerleader had smacked your tushie on the way out. It has to be the vitamins. Never in your life has anyone ever expressed this much interest in you, not even when you were in a boy band.
Sue is all over you, now, pressing her lips sloppily along your double chin as she lifts the bottom of your apron to unfasten your pants. "On the desk, do me on the desk," she instructs, and you're thankful that at least one of you knows what you're doing. She lets her pants fall down around her knees as she hops up on the desktop, spreading her legs and pulling you close. "Are you in?" she asks.
"I don't know," you reply.
"Well, can't you feel anything?"
"It just feels weird," you say honestly.
"Try, Howard," Sue insists, wrapping her legs around your waist in an attempt to direct you. "Come on."
"I really don't know how," you confess, and Sue's hands fall from around your neck and she's suddenly peering at you with anger in her eyes.
"Do you have any discernable skills, Howard?" she asks panting, unsatisfied.
"I'm not even sure what discernable means," you confess.
It's obviously not what Sue Sylvester wants to hear. "Get out of my office," she tells you. "You're a disgrace. Leave this school and never, ever come back."
At this point, you'd be only too happy to go - except for one thing. You stare at her blankly for a second before you ask, "How do I get out?"
Kept getting an error message when I tried to post a poll. Sorry, no poll today. If you want to just comment with "Read it!" or "Liked it!" please feel free to. Otherwise let me know whether or not the world is ready for SueBoo.
Characters: Sue Sylvester/Howard Bamboo
Word Count: ~1100
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, all proceeds would go to the Howard Bamboo Legal Defense Fund.
Spoilers/Warnings: Vitamin D made them do it. Spoilers up to "Vitamin D," appropriately.
Summary: Sue's interested in the Howard's wares, and we're not talking sheets 'n things.
A/N: Written for
faded_facade, who won me in the help_haiti fandom auction.It's nearing the end of your half-hour lunch break, and you're wandering the long, dark hallways of McKinley High, searching for the exit. Each time you turn a corner, you find yourself facing a corridor that looks exactly like the one you just left. The doors to every classroom are closed as you go by, but you'd probably be too shy to butt in on some teacher's lesson to ask for directions anyway. You feel a sense of panic start to tighten in your chest, and you wonder if you could even find your way back to the nurse's office if you started to have a heart attack. The zip-loc bag full of extra, opened "vitamins" swings from your sweaty palm, the small blue pills shaking with every step.
"Hold it right there, Dockers," echoes a voice from behind you. You jump in surprise. "Where do you think you're going?"
"I... uh... nowhere," you mumble, turning slowly around. Bearing down on you from the other end of the hall is the revered Sue Sylvester, clad in a threatening black tracksuit and glasses so dark you can see your frightened reflection in the lenses. You tremble where you stand and clutch the bag of pills to your chest as she approaches.
She towers over you for a minute, letting you stew in your own fear until she finally whips off her sunglasses. She stares intently at you and asks "Why do you look so familiar to me?"
"I work at Sheets 'N Things," you tell her, pointing a chubby finger at the name-tag on your apron.
"Of course you do..." she says, leaning in slightly and pausing to read it, "Howard. But I wouldn't have seen you there, because linens are for the weak. I make my bed with fabric woven from poison sumac. It's better for your skin, you know, to get conditioned to toxins." She returns to the topic at hand. "You've meandered through these hallowed hallways before, haven't you?"
You gulp. "One time I brought cake," you mumble.
She narrows her eyes at you, unconvinced. "Right," she says sarcastically.
"It was thumb cake," you add helpfully.
She ignores your statement. Instead she relaxes her posture, placing her hands on her hips as she regards the contents of the bag you're still holding awkwardly against your apron. "Well, whatcha got there now, Howard?"
"I brought vitamins for Mrs. Schuester," you explain. "She's giving them to all the students."
"Vitamins, huh?" she asks. "Mind if I snag a couple?" Without waiting for your reply, she snags the bag from you, empties it into her palm, and pops the blue pills into her mouth. She swallows without even needing a drink, and you're impressed.
Sue Sylvester is probably the closest thing you have to meeting a celebrity, and even though you're terrified of her in person, you still harbor a deep admiration for her. "I watch you on TV every week," you say lamely, shuffling your feet like a child.
"Do you?" she asks.
"Sue's Corner," you say, letting her know that you aren't just stroking her ego. "What you have to say is always so - so compelling." It's the truth - you'd never considered the positive aspects of littering until hearing her point of view on it. In fact, given her views on marriage, you've even considered adopting a pet.
She's flattered; you can tell by her small, sly smile, and the way her eyes start shifting. Or maybe that's just one of the side effects of all the vitamins she took. "Well, Howard," she croons, "would you like to come to my office and watch me... polish my trophies? I might even let you wear my fuzzy mitt."
The way she looks at you when she suggests this makes you forget that your lunch break is almost over. The disciplinary action you'd face at Sheets 'N Things, though, will be nothing compared to the disciplinary action you'd face if you turned down Sue Sylvester. "Oh. Okay."
You follow her blindly into her office, not sure what to expect, but as soon as you're inside the door slams shut behind you. She grabs you by the collar and slams you against the class of the trophy case behind her desk. "Those vitamins you gave me make me feel amazing," she whispers into your ear, the gentleness in her voice in direct conflict with the roughness of her actions. "Amazing," she repeats.
"They're just from Rite-Aid," you tell her, confused. "Right across from the candy bars."
"Shh, no talking," she tells you. Her eyes kind of glaze over and she says "amazing" again in a way that's really starting to creep you out. What exactly is it with those vitamins, anyway? When you were helping to distribute them in the nurses' office, the dark-haired cheerleader had smacked your tushie on the way out. It has to be the vitamins. Never in your life has anyone ever expressed this much interest in you, not even when you were in a boy band.
Sue is all over you, now, pressing her lips sloppily along your double chin as she lifts the bottom of your apron to unfasten your pants. "On the desk, do me on the desk," she instructs, and you're thankful that at least one of you knows what you're doing. She lets her pants fall down around her knees as she hops up on the desktop, spreading her legs and pulling you close. "Are you in?" she asks.
"I don't know," you reply.
"Well, can't you feel anything?"
"It just feels weird," you say honestly.
"Try, Howard," Sue insists, wrapping her legs around your waist in an attempt to direct you. "Come on."
"I really don't know how," you confess, and Sue's hands fall from around your neck and she's suddenly peering at you with anger in her eyes.
"Do you have any discernable skills, Howard?" she asks panting, unsatisfied.
"I'm not even sure what discernable means," you confess.
It's obviously not what Sue Sylvester wants to hear. "Get out of my office," she tells you. "You're a disgrace. Leave this school and never, ever come back."
At this point, you'd be only too happy to go - except for one thing. You stare at her blankly for a second before you ask, "How do I get out?"
Kept getting an error message when I tried to post a poll. Sorry, no poll today. If you want to just comment with "Read it!" or "Liked it!" please feel free to. Otherwise let me know whether or not the world is ready for SueBoo.