cruiscin_lan: (and then they did it in a totally nsfw w)
cruiscin_lan ([personal profile] cruiscin_lan) wrote2010-05-29 10:53 pm

Fic: Five Times Finn Accidentally Came On Someone's Face and One Time He Did It On Purpose

Title: Five Times Finn Accidentally Came On Someone's Face and One Time He Did It On Purpose
Characters: Finn/Rachel, Finn/Quinn, Finn/Puck, Finn/Santana, Finn/Kurt, Finn/Brittany
Word Count: ~1700
Rating: R for sex
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee all proceeds would go to the Howard Bamboo Legal Defense Fund.
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for all aired episodes, slightly AU in certain scenes.
Summary: "THIS IS BOTH EMBARRASSING AND AWESOME" - [ profile] zinnydark. It's pretty much exactly what it says in the title.
A/N: Thanks to [ profile] zinnydark, [ profile] une_fille, and [ profile] scornedsaint, and [ profile] becca_radcgg for their invaluable help.


"You can kiss me if you want to."

"I want to."

He nearly lost it when his lips met hers. They were softer than he expected, a little sticky from too much lip gloss. But even as his fingers ran through her hair, getting tangled, he made himself think of the mail. He concentrated so hard, in fact, that he almost didn't notice Rachel unfastening his belt, slipping her hand down the front of his pants.

"Rachel-" he warned, but she either didn't hear him or chose to ignore his plea. She unzipped his pants and fumbled with his erection for a moment, lowering her face towards it.

Finn had never had a blowjob before, and just the possibility of one turned him on. Turned him on too much, in fact.

"Oh - oh my god, Rachel, I'm so sorry," he stammered when he realized what he'd done. She only brought her hands to her face, trying to wipe the jizz from her eyes.

"Can you hand me a napkin?" she mumbled, and Finn obliged. He even handed her one of the airplane cups, and unceremoniously she spat out what had landed in her mouth.

"I tried to warn you," Finn said softly.

Rachel dabbed her face with the napkin before crumpling it up. "I - I better go," she replied, gathering her things too quickly and nearly breaking into a gallop as she left the auditorium, leaving Finn sitting alone on the stage, feeling sorry for himself.


Finn couldn't quite explain why, but something about his girlfriend had changed recently. At first he could have sworn her boobs looked bigger, but there were more noticeable changes than that - she cried a lot more, for one thing, and seemed more irritable most of the time.

Still, he wasn't prepared for her outlook on sex to change.

"Come on, Finn," she urged him, her voice low and husky as she nibbled on the lobe of his ear. "Just once?"

He'd dreamed about her begging him for sex every day since they'd started dating, and through most of his classes at school, but even so to hear her say the words out loud took him off guard. "I thought you were waiting until marriage."

"I decided that I'm going to make an exception," she whispered, quickly adding "for you" breathlessly as she began kissing the line of his jaw.

"I'm not sure how I feel about this, Quinn," he admitted. "It's not that I don't want to - I really... I really want to." He drew in a deep breath and began his mental mailman mantra to keep his urges under control. "It's just really, really sudden."

Quinn wasn't listening - her hands were already fluttering down by the waist of his sweatpants, tugging at the elastic. "Is there something I can do to make you more comfortable?" she asked, but she didn't wait for his answer before she scooted back and leaned forward, pulling aside the fabric of his boxers a moment too soon.

"Quinn, I wouldn't do that if I were..." Finn started, but it was too late. He choked on the rest of his sentence as he erupted, once again, too early.

"Oh, gross," Quinn groaned, jumping to her feet and hurrying to the bathroom.


Finn wasn't one to open up about his sexual experiences during the weekly Chastity Club meetings, since he had kind of a reputation to uphold, and he wanted the respect of the other guys, but things were different between him and Puck. He could tell Puck pretty much anything.

So without getting too specific, one day in the locker room Finn confided to Puck about his "not getting any" problem. He sat on the bench, towel wrapped loosely around his waist, while Puck stood in front of him, leaning nonchalantly against the lockers.

"I don't get it, man. You have Quinn and I thought that Berry chick was all over you."

"Quinn won't let me touch her anymore, and Rachel..." Finn paused, trying to think of a reasonable way to explain. "I kinda blew it with her."

"Whatever, man," Puck said. "The problem isn't with the chicks, it's with you. You gotta find yourself someone easy, like Santana. A lot of girls at this school wouldn't hesitate to spread their legs for you. You're not a stud like me, but you're the closest thing to it for the fat chicks to get."

"Fat chicks?" Finn repeated. He was starting to lose his train of thought, thinking of that one curvy girl from Glee club. Distracted, all the blood rushed to his nether regions, and before long he was painfully hard.

"Or, you know, other ladies. They don't have to be fat that was just an example. I know, like, Brittany really has a thing for..."

By the time Finn realized what was going to happen, it was too late. He tried at the last minute to cover back up again with his towel, at least, but he wasn't fast enough. In one impressive spurt, Finn shot his load upwards and forwards where it landed with a splat on his friend.

"Dude, did you just jizz on my face?" Puck asked, practically growling beneath a generous coating of come. "Not cool, bro. Not cool at all."

"I didn't mean to!" Finn choked. "It was an accident!"

"I don't know if this is a testament to my studliness," Puck said, "or if you're taking Homo Explosion too seriously. I knew you were hard up, man," he continued, wiping his face with his towel. "But I didn't know you were that hard up."


"You know that doesn't count."

"I'm sorry. I tried to warn you."

"Yeah, whatever. Just remind me never to put my face near your crotch again. Are you ready to lose your virginity for real this time?"


It had taken Finn a while to get used to sharing a room with Kurt, but he didn't know he was entirely comfortable until he started having wet dreams again. Most of the time Finn simply slept through them, only realizing what had happened the next morning, and Kurt certainly never said anything to him about it. He figured it wasn't something he needed to worry about.

But then it happened. Finn was having a perfectly pleasant dream about boobs when Kurt interrupted. Finn... his voice said. Finn, it's Kurt.

Finn tried to shake the voice off. He'd only just started thinking of Kurt as a kid brother. The last thing he needed now were weird dreams that would confuse his adolescent years even more.

Finn, wake up. Finn, you have to wake up.

Finn could feel himself fighting when suddenly the covers were ripped away from him. His dick had been standing erect through the fly of his boxers during his dream, and the friction of the sheets against it was all it took to send him over the edge.

By the time Finn realized what had happened, he was groggily looking up at Kurt, who stood over his bed, clutching his covers. "I was just trying to wake you up," Kurt said, his words colored with a tinge of surprise.

Finn sat up, thinking he couldn't be any more mortified. Then he noticed his mother and Burt Hummel holding one another on the other side of Kurt's bed, and he hoped against hope that he was still dreaming. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked, his voice cracking with embarrassment.

His mother's jaw hung slack in a horrified expression as she clutched Burt's arm. "It, uh, it was, uh, it was a..." he stammered, trying to ignore what he'd just seen to answer Finn's question. "Tornado warning."

"That's what I was trying to tell you," Kurt hissed. "Now, could someone please hand me a moist towelette?"


The summer after sophomore year couldn't have come soon enough. It was great to take a break from school, and Glee, and trying to be a leader. There were even a few brief weeks before football practice started where Finn finally felt like he had the chance to unwind.

When practice did start up again, it was concurrent with the Cheerios' new practice schedule, so at the very least he had something to watch when he wasn't concentrating on scrimmages and drills.

"Hey Finn," a familiar voice said behind him after practice one day, as he was headed to the lockers.

"Hi Brittany," he replied, more out of politeness than anything else.

"I saw you on the field today," she told him. "You're a really good player."

"But I barely did anything."

"I know. That was the best part."

Finn pursed his lips together and nodded, trying not to betray his inner confusion.

"Remember how one time we dated?"


"I think maybe we should do it again, except without Santana this time." She leaned in really close and whispered "She's on her period."

Finn was too stunned to say anything in return; Brittany took his silence as assent. "I'll be at your house at seven, then," she said, winking as she walked away.

Not long after seven Finn found himself pinned underneath her on his basement couch. She snaked her tongue into his mouth, tracing his teeth with the tip, and he nervously let his hands run along her waist.

"Know what, Finn?" Brittany whispered. "I like it when guys kiss my armpits." She sat up and raised her arms above her head, smiling suggestively.

"I... okay," Finn leaned towards her and pressed his lips against the her underarm. "How's that?"

"That's good," Brittany replied, so Finn kissed her there again. "I like that. Use more tongue."

Finn pulled away, a little taken aback by the request. "Is there anything else you really like?" he asked her.

"Well..." Brittany let her arms fall back to her sides. "I really like it when guys come on my face."

Finn's eyes widened. Even though he was five out of five for coming on peoples' faces, he wouldn't have said any of his hapless friends had enjoyed the experience. "You do?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah, like, I'll start out by giving you a blowjob," Brittany explained unnecessarily, "but then right before you come I pull away and it gets all over." She used both hands to imitate the splash of splooge on her face.

"And you like that?" Finn asked again.

"It's totally my favorite."

"Okay, then," he replied. "I think I can oblige."


also they were in space the whole time the end

[Poll #1571718]

Too late to edit the poll! Great lulz for everyone at my expense! Huzzah!

Post a comment in response:

Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.