cruiscin_lan: (roll call)
cruiscin_lan ([personal profile] cruiscin_lan) wrote2010-02-14 04:24 pm

FIC: Warm Up

Title: Warm Up
Characters: Artie/Rachel
Word Count: ~2000
Rating: NC-17 for sex
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee all proceeds would go towards the Howard Bamboo Legal Defense Fund.
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers through "Sectionals."
Summary: Don't you wonder what it's like? Or don't you ever just want to get it over with? Find out what the big deal is? Maybe feel a little bit less like a loser in the process?
A/N: Thanks [ profile] kathrynthegr8 for the beta!

On most days, Artie's dad dropped him off to school early so he could get to work by eight. On most days, Artie would prepare for classes - finishing homework assignments, double-checking his notes, cramming for tests. Mondays were different, though. On Mondays Artie felt as ready as he'd ever be, and he'd wander into the school's empty spaces, enjoying the solitude.

The Monday after Valentine's Day was no different than any other. He'd have forgotten about the holiday altogether had Tina not sent him a sappy text. Be mine, it said, with a silly emoticon, but Artie didn't reply. He didn't know if she was being sincere or she was just feeling sorry for him. He never was quite sure anymore, and even though they were still friends, he felt a little on edge when she was around. At any rate, on this Monday morning he wheeled himself onto the auditorium stage, his bookbag hanging from the back of his chair and his guitar on his lap. As he looked over the rows and rows of empty seats before him, he smiled and waved his arms in an exaggerated way, imagining the room was filled to capacity with his adoring fans.

"All right, all right!" he told them in his head. "One more!"

He slung his guitar across his lap, tuned it a bit, and began to play. He missed a few notes, rushed some of the measures, but he didn't care - he was too lost in his fantasy to be bothered with his shortcomings. He was playing a tricky Nick Drake tune, and he was having fun; nothing else mattered to him in that moment.

Nothing else, that is, until he was interrupted by a sob and a sniffle. He halted immediately when he realized someone else was there with him in the auditorium.


She'd wandered in while he was goofing around, taking a seat near the aisle. She delicately dabbed at the corners of her eyes with a tissue, perhaps a little embarrassed to be caught in the act of crying. "That was really good, Artie," she said sincerely. "You're probably even better than Finn."

Artie knew he was better than Finn, but he also knew better than to say anything. Besides, that wasn't important right this instant. "What's the matter, Rachel?" he asked. Getting involved in Rachel Berry's drama was against his better judgment, but class wouldn't start for another forty-five minutes at least, and Artie was a good listener.

"Oh, it's nothing," Rachel said, but she was overacting it, and Artie knew she wasn't being genuine.

"I can't hear you so well," he lied. "What did you say?"

"I said it's nothing."

"I still can't hear you," Artie said. "Why don't you come up here?"

Even in her seat, Rachel rolled her eyes and huffed a little bit.

Artie looked at her with puppy-dog eyes.

"Okay, fine," Rachel sighed, rising to her feet. When she reached the stage, she lifted herself onto the edge, letting her legs dangle as Artie rolled as close to her as he comfortably could. "It's just that... I went on a date with Finn last night. It didn't go very well."

"Oh," Artie replied. He didn't know how to deal with his own romantic angst; taking on Rachel Berry's was probably more than he bargained for. "Well, Finn's a nice guy, I'm sure he meant well. Whatever happened, it probably just..."

"Is it me?"

"Is what you?"

"Finn won't have sex with me," Rachel non-sequitured. "You know... is it me?"

Okay, now Artie really was in over his head. In all honesty, he could have thought of a million valid reasons not to have sex with Rachel. She was weird, she was bossy, she was conceited and a little controlling. And, on top of that, Finn had just gotten out of a really bad relationship just a few months before. Maybe he just wasn't ready for it.

But Artie knew that these were not things he could say to Rachel Berry. She was already crying, after all. "I don't know, Rachel," he told her. "But if it makes you feel better, you are really, really pretty."

Rachel looked up at him through eyelashes thick with clotted mascara. "That's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

"In fact," Artie added, to make himself seem more sincere, "I'm pretty sure every guy in school wants to tap that. They just don't have the guts to say or do anything about it."

Rachel turned away for a moment, gazing out at all the empty seats in the auditorium. She quickly turned back to Artie, eyebrows furrowed. "Do you want to tap that?" she asked. It was almost an accusation.

"Uhh.... well," Artie hesitated. This was a question he wasn't at all prepared to answer. “In theory, uh... even if we weren't speaking hypothetically, you're very attractive, in a sexual way, and my penis... it works... but you're dating Finn and I think that if I were to, you know, cross that line, then it would be..."

"Oh my god," Rachel interrupted. "You're a virgin, too, aren't you?"

Artie wasn't sure how Rachel was able to extrapolate that information from what he was saying. "I'm half a virgin," he replied, implying that he had some experience in that arena.

"But you've never done... you know... it, have you?" Rachel pressed.

"If by 'it' you're referring to the actual penetrative act of intercourse," Artie stammered, adjusting his glasses nervously, "then I've neither been there nor done that."

"Would you maybe want to try it?" Rachel asked, suddenly giddy, as though she'd just been hit by a stroke of inspiration. "With me?"

"Is that a hypothetical question?"

"Maybe," Rachel answered, her giddiness replaced by... disappointment? Insecurity? Artie wasn't sure. "I don't know. Don't you wonder what it's like? Or don't you ever just want to get it over with? Find out what the big deal is? Maybe feel a little bit less like a loser in the process?"

Artie rested his head in his hand as he leaned forward in his chair. "So it's not a hypothetical question."

"I still have condoms in my purse," Rachel said. "I had gotten them for Finn, but... I mean, I already told you - that didn't go quite as well as I could have hoped."

Artie was unsure. As excited he was at the prospect of losing his v-card, even to Rachel, he knew he had limitations that needed to be accounted for. "Not to discourage you, Rachel - I'm just as psyched about the possibility as you are - but I'm in a wheelchair," he said, pointing out the obvious. "It's not so much a problem for me, but I don't want it to be weird for you." He adjusted his glasses again. "Especially... your first time."

But when Rachel was determined, there wasn't anything that could faze her. "I'm sure we can manage," she replied brightly, and she jumped up to her feet and immediately began to rummage in her bag for the aforementioned protection.

Artie didn't know she meant to do it right now - the bell was going to ring in half an hour. "Can I... can we at least back up into the wings or something?" he asked, rolling backwards. "You know, if someone caught us..."

"Whatever's fine with me," Rachel said. "Let's do this."

Artie wheeled backwards, turning slightly, until he couldn't see the seats or any of the entrances. Satisfied that he was blocked in by the curtains, he set the brake on his chair, just in case. He tried to smile at Rachel, but the corners of his mouth twitched nervously as she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Is it all right if I kiss you a little first?" she asked, suddenly hesitant.

"It's... cool," Artie answered, his voice wavering. "It's cool."

As she leaned in close, her hair fell across his face in soft waves - it smelled like rosemary and mint. Without thinking Artie reached up and started to brush it away with his hand. But even though her locks were getting tangled in the Velcro of Artie's glove, Rachel wasn't deterred. Her lips, wet with gloss, came softly up against his. His jaw dropped a little with surprise, and Rachel took it as an invitation; her tongue slid curiously into his mouth, between his teeth, mingling.

Their hearts beat rapidly in a syncopated rhythm as Artie continued running his hands through Rachel's hair, his self-consciousness slipping away with the thrill of each contact. He barely noticed when her hand wandered to the front of his pleated khakis, struggling only slightly as she undid his belt. While she rustled through the fabric of his boxers, she pulled away and gasped: "Oh my gosh."

"What?" Artie asked. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just..." Rachel hesitated. Her eyes darted from his crotch to his face as she tried to explain. "Okay, so I know from reading Cosmopolitan and other similarly-themed periodicals that it's typically bad form to make comparisons of others' genitalia - but you're so much bigger than Finn."

Artie was speechless. At least it had been a favorable comparison, right?

"Seriously," Rachel added for emphasis.

"Th-thanks," Artie stammered. "I guess."

Artie waited patiently as Rachel fumbled in her bag for a condom, wondering if he should tell Rachel that he'd knotted her hair really, really badly. But before he could work up the courage, she had wriggled out of her panties and dropped them to the floor. Now she straddled him, lowering herself slowly onto his erection with her hands placed on his shoulders for balance. He held onto her waist, hoping to be helpful, but as he couldn't help but groan when as he slid into her.

"Does it hurt?" Rachel asked, her voice tinged with panic.

"Not at all," Artie said, closing his eyes and letting his head fall backwards. He was lost in the warmth between her legs. "You?"

"It's a little weird," she admitted, and Artie was suddenly aware that her whole body was shaking.

"We can always stop."

"No, it's okay," Rachel insisted, lowering herself a little more until she seemed more comfortable. "I'm just going to..." she breathed, adjusting herself so she could rock back and forth in his lap without losing her balance.

"Oh my god, Rachel," Artie said, his hands gripping her hips so tightly he was sure he'd leave bruises. "Slow down a little bit," he suggested, and (for once) she listened. A little emboldened, he slipped his hand beneath her skirt and wove his fingers beneath her soft curls. "Is it okay if I do this?" he asked, as he pressed his thumb between the folds of her cleft, exploring.

She met his eyes with her heavy-lidded gaze. "Okay."

With five minutes left until the bell, she came. Artie wasn't sure what she was doing, to be honest. She'd been vocal the entire time, but when she started to hit notes she didn't even reach in Glee practice it began to freak him out. Suddenly she'd pitched forward, shuddering as she buried her face between his neck and his shoulder, gasping.

And that was when he came, shaking and shivering and wrapping his arms around her as though his life depended on their physical contact.

Rachel was the one to break their embrace, peeling herself away from him and delicately getting to her feet. As she put her underwear back on, Artie took off the condom and tried to toss it into a nearby garbage can, missing it by a few inches. As Rachel went to pick it up, Artie heard the door on the far side of the auditorium swing open, and hurriedly he tucked in his polo and zipped his pants back up.

"Hey, Artie!" Mr. Schuester called out when he saw his student on the stage. "What are you doing here? The bell's about to ring."

Artie hesitated, but fortunately he was saved from too much embarrassment.

"Oh, Mr. Schue!" Rachel said brightly, coming out from behind the curtain. "Artie and I were just practicing with some etudes."

"That was you guys? You sounded great!" their teacher exclaimed. "Maybe you can show the others how it's done after school today."

Rachel and Artie exchanged a furtive, awkward glance. Rachel blushed; Artie shrugged. "Maybe," Artie said, trying to suppress his laughter. "Now that we're all warmed up."

[Poll #1525528]

[identity profile] 2010-02-14 09:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay so, this fic is awesome for so many reasons.

1.) Artie IS the man. About time others realized it. I predict Rachel is the first of many.

2.) Her hair getting tangled in his glove. I love that part so much. Awkwardness ftw!

3.) Rachel talking about what she read in Cosmo.

4.) These two losing their 'v-card' back stage!

5.) Artie getting Rachel to reach new vocal heights with his penis.

6.) Rachel having condoms and being prepared! \o/

7.) See #1

8.) That Artie practices being a rock god when no one else is around. ♥

9.) Mr. Schue being creepy and stalking the Glee kids. (Very canon, OMG!)

10.) I love you for writing this. As an Artie fan I can't thank you enough.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Artie getting Rachel to reach new vocal heights with his penis.

Okay, why didn't I use that as the summary? I obviously dropped the ball on that one.

[identity profile] 2010-02-14 10:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I love you. Seriously. Forgive me for fangirling all over the place, because I know it's messy, but OMG! LOVE!

And the things I loved the most (not that there was anything i loved the least, because this was all-around amazing):


"Okay, so I know from reading Cosmopolitan and other similarly-themed periodicals that it's typically bad form to make comparisons of others' genitalia - but you're so much bigger than Finn." - COSMO! ARTIE'S PENIS IS BIGGER THAN FINN'S OMG! HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I LOVE YOU?

"That was you guys? You sounded great!" - LOLing like a crazy person who LOLs a lot. Creepy Mr. Schue is creepy! Though of course Rachel would be musical during sex, and Artie's got some pretty impressive pipes himself.

Artie not knowing that Rachel was coming = priceless! Artie gets girls off without even really trying!


[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] 2010-02-14 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)

"If by 'it' you're referring to the actual penetrative act of intercourse," Artie stammered, adjusting his glasses nervously, "then I've neither been there nor done that."

This is beautiful and so so funny.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. :)

[identity profile] 2010-02-14 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
I loved that Rachel is that vocal, but you nearly killed me with Mr. Schue's comment about how good they sounded practicing their etudes. I'm in love with the Rachel/Artie ship now. :)

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Hooray! All the cool people ship Rachel/Artie now. :)

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
I'm serious. WE NEED to be friends! NEED TO!

I agree with Kat, Artie is the man. And damn, he needs some action, too!

I loved all of the awkward pieces... Rachel telling Finn on the first date that she wants to lose her v-card. Rachel trying to sex Artie up on the stage and Artie being all nervous about it, like can't we move backstage. The tangles in her hair. Rachel being a freaking boyscout. Artie being BIGGER than FINN! MADE OF MOTHERFUCKING WIN! SO MUCH WIN! SO MUCH!

Pretty much this entire thing was epic.

Awesome job.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Artie being BIGGER than FINN!


[identity profile] 2010-02-15 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
Love the fic. Artie you little or big stud and I love Rachel and her practical approach to sex. Good job.

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
I hope Artie removed his velco gloves before um helping Rachel out in the lower regions. Ouch...

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 01:49 am (UTC)(link)
So much love for this pairing right now. Particularly because of the mention of their canon-pairings - absolutely adorable that even though they both have romantic feelings about other people, they lose their virginity to one another. And that, despite the non-romance, it wasn't just fucking.

Also? Creepy!Schue is awesome

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading! How 'bout tackling some Artie/Rachel yourself? It'd be awesome!

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
This is AWESOME. ♥ I don't know why, but I really like the idea of Artie/Rachel, came out of nowhere.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:27 pm (UTC)(link)
The only obstacle is that when she bends over, it looks like she has stomach rolls!

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
Dude this calls for a sequel.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Warm Up 2: Even More Awkward.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I could get behind that. :D

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 10:05 am (UTC)(link)
I think I'm a little in love with you. I've been shipping Artie & Rachel for a long time and this is really really perfect. So in character for both of them, so adorable and awkward and hot all at the same time.

Voyer!Schue is also awesome.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:25 pm (UTC)(link)
There's more Artie/Rachel shippers out there? HOORAY.

[identity profile] 2010-02-24 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
Dude, totally. We should start a clan or something.

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Dude. WIN.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:25 pm (UTC)(link)
*victory dance*

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 04:51 pm (UTC)(link)
You've already had at least one declaration of love in the comments for this fic, and I want to stand out. So I'll just get straight to the point: want to make beautiful lesbian e-babies with me?

Srsly, dude. This was so fantastic. I don't know how you do hot and snarky-funny at the SAME TIME and in perfect harmony with one another. But it's golden.

"If by 'it' you're referring to the actual penetrative act of intercourse," Artie stammered, adjusting his glasses nervously, "then I've neither been there nor done that."

Ohmyfuckinggoooooood. Yes. That's Artie.

Also of the win (in no particular order):
-Rachel's favorable comparison of Artie's unit to Finn's
-Artie's invisible fans
-Rachel's singing orgasm, and Artie's cluelessness about wtf that was

Mr. Schue at the end just destroyed me. I had tears in my eyes.

[identity profile] 2010-02-15 04:52 pm (UTC)(link)
...of laughter. I realized as soon as I hit "send" that I needed to clarify.

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
I thought maybe you'd found the hidden angst in this one. :P

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
That was seriously spot-on! (And I love your feedback poll, best idea ever!)

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 03:44 pm (UTC)(link)
The feedback poll is interesting, to say the least. Everyone always goes for the goofy response. :P

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I've decided my new methos of begging for reviews is through polls. Thank you.

2. Creepy!Schue is creepy.

3. Artie is a sex god.

4. Rachel expanding her upper register through sex? made os awesome.

5. I am sorry to say that I found the angst in this. Artie not speaking out thoug knowing he's better than Finn? Rachel going to the auditorium to be alone or whatever and not understanding why Finn just won't sleep with her [the mail! the mail! I assume]. Also Artie/Tina. *sigh* Worry not, I am famous in certain circles for finding the angst in EVERYTHING.

6. Seriously, Cosmo and comparing Finn to Artie? WIN.

[identity profile] 2010-02-17 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
There's angst everywhere! It's not just you!

[identity profile] 2010-02-16 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm on the Rachel/Artie train too. Both have some wicked nerdy sweaters and probably could share. I think they talk a lot alike too.

Rachel could literally push him around, makes her feel like she has some power and Artie you know will tell her like it is.

[identity profile] 2010-02-17 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
I never even considered the sweater thing. That is amazing.

[identity profile] 2010-02-17 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
Like I needed another couple to ship...this was awesome..would love to see some more Artie/Rachel action..this was epic!!! God I love that man! He is seriously adorable....this coupling is brilliant!

[identity profile] 2010-02-17 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I know. I need more ships like I need extra holes in my head, but I CAN'T HELP IT.

[identity profile] 2010-02-18 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
I loved it! Rachel was so... Rachel.

[identity profile] 2010-02-20 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
Aaaand here I am finally, to say "thanks for reading!" because I am too involved in discussions elsewhere. :)

[identity profile] 2010-02-20 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
That was pretty well-done. And I believe you just went and gave me a pairing I liked. ;)

I loved how awkward it was, you usually see people write first-time sex as perfect as experienced sex is when we all know it isn't.

[identity profile] 2010-03-11 01:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry I didn't get to this comment sooner! I must have missed the notification in my inbox.

I'm glad you liked it! First-time sex is a lot of fun to write because there are so many awkward possibilities...

[identity profile] 2010-04-07 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
This is win.

Moar! ^____^

[identity profile] 2010-04-20 04:39 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe. We'll see. ;)

[identity profile] 2010-04-20 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
This was awesome! So frickin' awesome! Gah!

[identity profile] 2010-04-20 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
Oh thank you! :D

[identity profile] 2010-08-13 01:40 am (UTC)(link)
I'm usually a total femslasher but this seriously rules. I love Rachel whatever she does...but Artie WINS in this. And hell yeah you just know he'd be bigger than Finn lol.


[identity profile] 2010-08-13 08:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, thanks!

(Really, think about it - why does Artie where pleated pants?)